Caul Bearer

My Beginnings come from a hallway at Memorial hospital on March 5th, 1965 in the eve. From this point the only witness was an African American janitor who stood shocked with a mop in his hands and was staring at my mother clasping her ankles together to hold me from falling. I sat in my sac for a few moments until a nurse reached me. Thus I was born. My mother retold this story to me all my life as she was shocked I didn’t die which was her wish. My father also hit her on her back (drinker) while she was pregnant with me and as told by my mother she wished me dead so, when I was in the hallway, she hoped I had died and or thought I would because, my mother believed when you are in your sac, you are drowning. From the time I can remember I was told by my brothers and sisters I was adopted which I believed I was a very odd child! I had dreams and visions from my earliest years. They thought I was insane. I read the bible ( I read every book available) which I thought was a very interesting read. I had a sister who would laugh with me while we took showers together and I believed she was my dearest friend (Memorial Day weekend, I am writing this) She died from a drunk driver on Memorial Weekend many years later at the age thirteen, I miss her so! She was my only friend and never thought I was odd. Her name is Elena Maria and she watches over me, with laughter. As the years went on I became pregnant with my first son named Christopher and he was a premature baby. At birth a doctor used forceps and damaged his brain we did not find out until he was twelve. Christopher is a very special man today and became my second friend, who never questioned my dreams, visions and healings. Today he is still a very special child to me. I also had a son named Joseph (his name was given to me at birth) and I was told by my higher helpers that he was named Joseph because, he was a rock! He died two years later as I fried taco shells in the kitchen and in the care of his step -father and he drowned. In the middle of the night I could hear him singing to his older brother and my older son would kick him out of the bed and begged him to stop, he was my third friend in life. With the blink of an eye he left us at the age of two, this began my search. I was inconsolable and I hated the world from this point. After years of child abuse and pain this death made no sense to me and also I wanted to die. Years later I would meditate for others particularly the dead and help them to reunite and move to the next dimension. I never saw my son or loved ones. At one point as I was with my fourth friend April meditating and I saw my son once and he said mommy look up… He was pointing up to the sun. He ran off to play this was my last visitation and only visitation from my dear son. I swore I would never forgive god for this departure. My brother (fourth friend) four years later killed himself thus increasing my urge to leave of free will. I never saw my brother in meditation either and including my sister. I couldn’t believe I had this gift for others but not myself. I left my parents and never looked back but was haunted by their rejection and searched the world for a reason including god. The god I knew in the bible. I searched every religion in hopes of finding myself. Nothing spoke to me! Nothing explained my loss, my pain. I found a young boy who was missing and because of the pain of watching him die over and over again I never wanted to search for a child again. However, a small still voice would deliver songs to me and also words of importance and I thought I was going mad due to my son’s death. Many people at this time would walk by me and say I was a prophetess, gifted and once a blind man who could barely walk, walked past me and laughed and said she will lay hands on the sick and they shall recover! Everyone in that church ran to me and begged for me to lay hands on them. This is when I realized I would be “used” for my abilities including song that seemed to relieve others when I sang them. I also would get messages and could not type fast enough to get all the words it was fast and furious and it would keep my body up all night until I typed the words. So even if I wanted too, I could not escape. My best friend April was my fifth friend and fellow spiritual enthusiast and she always believed in me! Many people resisted our friendship and we felt as though people hated our relationship. They tried very hard to tear up apart. I believe to this day something, anything sent her to keep me alive. She seemed to hold a key to my existence. She saw my CB on television and called me the next day never mentioning what she had seen. The next day I was telling her about my mother and what she told me about my birth and how she wished me dead. April then told me YOU’RE A CAUL BEARER! I didn’t believe her. We researched and sought what this mysterious event meant. April was also the first to find me when I overdosed, she saved my life! When my final sister dropped dead, April contacted me with sympathy knowing I had been involved in many deaths, unexplainable. When she reached out again to me I had just overdosed again and died three times! During my recovery I got a call my final sister Alicia before she had fallen over dead for no apparent reason. Of course my family told me nothing. We searched together again like friends who had never parted about my sister’s death. Again my family lied to me concerning her and many things that had happened and rejected me, However, April having a photo graphic memory reminded me of their cruel intent toward me. After two weeks of recovery I got the call of my sister’s death. I was deeply hurt and wondered why my sister had been calling after thirteen years of separation to tell me of the truths of my family. We spent hours a day as my sister told me the “real’ truth. It devastated me but I knew this was a vital communication because I never really had validation about what occurred as a child. My sister filled in the gaps of the real truth knowing that my mother and father would reject her for communicating with me. My sister could not get the words out and sometimes at night she would message me telling me she wanted to die. I could not handle this information. So many had died. I listened to her and she continually told me she was dying. I did not believe her. I could see her sitting with me on a porch in the south drinking sweet tea. She literally killed me by telling me the missing puzzle pieces. However after her truth telling she died. She died April 16, 2013. My truth teller revealed so many revelations I was shocked and scared. I could see rivers of blood. Connected to a catholic priest with alcohol on his breath and a lamb crying. I realized this was repressed memory and tragic. This was my childhood. My father hung our favorite little lamb by his neck and this river of blood caused my overdose. I could no longer live with this in my soul. I could hear him crying morning, noon and night. I thought I was going mad. The river became my memories of my experience my sister relayed to me but I refused to see it. Today I am a caul bearer with all this that has occurred and I wish I could say it never happened. I see myself standing at my mother and fathers house in peaceful protest. To stand for all those that died. For all those that were deeply hurt by their actions in my life. I must have a voice! I will return to Thatcher Arizona and stand up for them all including, myself. I also am in the middle of the grieving process and have to perform a memorial (separate from my family ) I see hundreds of candles (300 to be exact) around my fifth friend and I in the center near an ocean edge. I do not live near an ocean. I see aster flowers of purple and pink. I will accomplish this near June 17th. I feel relieved to know that my sister has released her pain. Yes, it hurt me however, I will memorialize her properly as she deserves. My family would love to just shove her aside as they did many times. I feel I must face this death as the one I did with honor, pride and respect. After all these deaths and rejection I need to have a voice. I also speak my truth on you tube as a remembrance to my family who departed. . I have two brothers left. I am the last female child. I am also a CB and must not be afraid to me be. I must embrace who and what I truly am even though I was told different. I hear vibrations, small still voices, I see dead people who are always happy, I see children who are in pain, I can channel energies through many dimensions, I am considered a light worker, I hear music that’s unexplainable and constantly seek their meanings as they speak of beauty, loveliness of people, faith in the future. I also see a vision that I have seen since I can remember of many people who walk in the thousands with infirmities and walking toward a split between two mountains, a valley, I stand to their left with who seems to appear as Christ, I see many infirmities that are all different, The reach the valley and a higher power has an edge like a fence around the bottom of the mountain and speaks to the people. This vision has followed me and a higher power tells me that these are not physical illnesses but rather spiritual sickness and he intends to help them. He speaks quietly and softly no matter how vial the vision is. I also volunteered in Biloxi Mississippi at Katrina disaster and I have felt so free. I helped prostitutes, drug addicted, poor, sick and all wanted to hug me which I did. To this very day I can smell the dead as though I shall never forget. The people threw me out of the stadium when I fed people. I did not give up I began to drive through Biloxi against their wishes and found the “real” truth of the Katrina disaster. People were hungry, scared, and outright in shock. I just held them as they cried and late at night I drove through the damaged streets and flashed my flashlight to check on them while they slept and if I didn’t see a return light I ran to their tent, cement slab and whatever else they lie upon. They took a picture of me and said I want you to see yourself like I did, we did, they did. This changed my life. I returned home devastated that I had left my friends without food, water and someone to love them in their pain. I had been there five months and lost 45 pounds running through the streets of Biloxi trying to find a pot to cook in or a belt for a man to put in his loops. I love the people of the south. I spent thousands of dollars and didn’t care. I remember the Christian ministers asking me of my experiences when I would drive around (I was the only one who left the camp) Biloxi. I shared with them so I could have a place to sleep in their camp. I watched along the ocean edges and would cry looking across what was no longer a bridge to people waving white flags. I wanted to walk on water to give them a morsel. This is my calling to help the desperate and poor. I also see myself helping children who hide at night not to die in Sudan, Africa and many friends want to join me. I will go! And help them hide in the dark against the militia who seek to kill the little children who escape at night to sleep somewhere safe. I have no fear at all. I know something watches over me, I shall also learn to shoot a machine gun (I am against guns!) as it is necessary and highly dangerous. We have to sneak them out to orphanages. They burn the orphanages. My husband and a man (a mormon, I know go figure) Wish to join me. This will be a very hard journey but I know I must go to save children and play with them and also to hug them. This is my calling. Also, finding water is vital to the people of Sudan, Africa. I will go and hopefully share all my pictures of the kind faces I will find. Do not be surprised if you see me carrying a machine gun! I will not harm one of their little lives. I will protect them with all my might. God will travel with me and my friends. Thank you listening as I can feel that my voice is rising. I know many speak of a bucket list, I do not think or feel I need one. I am everyday as I see with different eyes. This was vital to me to share my life and know that I can rise. We can rise! I know I shall meet my fellow Caul Bearers as we all ride with each other and pray for this meeting someday. Thank you giving me a home finally. God rest my soul and give me the strength and courage to fight for those that do not have a voice.